The Funny Newz: Advertisers Aim For Moon

Atlanta, GA—No need to light up with Elon Musk to know space commercialization is blasting off. What might surprise you, though, is the current debate over how to split up the ad space on the Moon and beyond. Making the Moon the next big billboard for our ad-hungry world was a hot topic at a conference recently attended by The Funny Newz. 

The Funny Newz team attended the 2020 Advertising Space In Space (ASS) conference at the Georgia International Convention Center, just a week before it was demolished due to re-emergent Coronavirus concerns. There, we uncovered some extraordinary plans for the Moon and the marketers who have long seen its unique potential as a billboard.

Barkley wasn't the only ad executive thrilled about advertising opportunities on the Moon’s surface. Wal-Mart expressed interest in painting the Moon yellow and carving a giant, smiling face visible to all of humanity, according to advertising analyst Lamont Depardieu.

"Consider the inevitability of the Moon," Depardieu remarked, reaching for another Tom Collins. "It's all about location, location, and—well, I can't recall the third thing. But truly, aside from influencing tides, the Moon is just a barren, dull orb that we have to look at every day. Why not use it for advertising?"

Wal-Mart has denied having any official plans to paint the Moon. However, Target was more forthcoming with their intentions.

“Original Use is an Apparel & Accessories brand for young men, launched in August 2018, and we think the whole Moon vibe is perfect for it. The brand blends street and vintage modernity, with a focus on enabling guests to explore fashion, culture, individuality, and, well, the Moon. This brand is 100% size-inclusive, just like the Moon. We are very excited about it,” said Harry Opalhouse, Target's Marketing Executive.

The keynote speech, given by none other than an alien entrepreneur, Rarf Nangork, a billionaire from the Alpha Centauri system and living among humans, provided an overview of his own ad efforts that could leverage the Moon’s unique prominence in the night-time sky. Nangork shared fascinating insights into how interstellar marketing strategies could be adapted for human audiences, emphasizing the potential for the Moon to become a new frontier in advertising.

He highlighted the technical challenges and innovative solutions required to project advertisements visible from Earth, sparking both intrigue and debate among the attendees.

Alien entrepreneur Rarf Nangork proposes using the Moon to advertise his candidacy as an Independent in the November 2024 election, challenging Biden or whoever may be running.

“I want to be the first to place a political ad on the Moon,” Nangork stated, envisioning a slogan like "Nangork 2020" or something similar.

When we pointed out that a lunar political ad might not make sense for non-U.S. citizens who would see it as the Moon orbits Earth, Nangork, who has been accused by some of devising a diabolical plan to enslave humanity, simply smiled. “It doesn’t make sense now, but give it some time,” he replied.