Cool Filmz: Revisiting A Review of DaVinci Code Starring Tom Hanks

It’s wild what you can find when you’re digging through your old files. The other day, I stumbled across a review I wrote years ago for "The DaVinci Code," starring none other than Tom Hanks. Young me had some really strong opinions about this one, and honestly, I respect the audacity. Now, as I blow the dust off this relic, it feels only fitting to resurrect it here on Cool Filmz—because if there’s one thing this blog does best, it’s taking a sharp, unfiltered look at the movies that made us scratch our heads, cheer, or cringe. Buckle up.

The Da Vinci Code doesn’t hold back when it takes aim at the Catholic Church, portraying it as the ultimate gatekeeper of a buried truth about its own origins. At the heart of the plot? A bombshell revelation: Jesus wasn’t just a divine figure—he had a wife, Mary Magdalene, and a child. The Holy Grail? Not a cup, but Mary herself, the bearer of Jesus’s bloodline.

Fast forward to the Fourth Century, and we meet Constantine, the Byzantine emperor with an empire to unite. Paganism was still hanging on, but Catholicism was gaining steam. Constantine, ever the pragmatist, decided to “bet on the winning horse” and engineered a religious overhaul. After converting to Catholicism, he convened the Council of Nicaea, where the real conspiracy allegedly took shape.

The Council didn’t just tidy up theology—it rewrote history. They erased evidence of Jesus as a regular guy with a family and elevated him to divine status. Why? Because “Jesus, the son of God” made a much stronger glue to hold an empire together than “Jesus, the husband and dad.” Of course, there’s no proof to suggest Jesus also had a dog and a two-car garage, but hey, the plot here didn’t leave much behind.

At-A-Glance

Title: The DaVinci Code
Director: Ron Howard
Screenwriter: Akiva Goldsman
Based on: The novel "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown
Release Year: 2006
Genre: Mystery, Thriller
Main Cast:
Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon
Audrey Tautou as Sophie Neveu
Ian McKellen as Sir Leigh Teabing
Paul Bettany as Silas
Runtime: 149 minutes
Production Companies: Imagine Entertainment, Skylark Productions
Distributed by: Sony Pictures Releasing
Box Office: $760 million worldwide
Critical Reception: Mixed to negative reviews
Key Themes: Religion, conspiracy, history, and secret societies

Early in The Da Vinci Code, we meet Silas, an albino monk from the ultra-conservative, self-flagellating Christian sect Opus Dei. He’s introduced in all his gory glory, whipping himself raw and using a cilice to squeeze blood from his thigh. Oh, and he casually murders a professor, Jacques Saunière, leaving the poor guy to bleed out in the Louvre after a gut shot. Gruesome, yet somehow, this movie skates by with a PG-13 rating. Go figure.

The Da Vinci Code stars Tom Hanks rocking some questionable long hair and is based on Dan Brown's blockbuster novel—though some claim the novel itself borrows heavily from another book. As for Silas, rest assured he’s not based on real Opus Dei monks or actual albinos. Both groups can breathe easy knowing they've just been used as edgy set dressing in a fictional thriller.

Now, on to the movie itself—and more specifically, the DVD release. The much-hyped Parisian car chase near the Louvre? Yawn. It’s nothing that’ll make The French Connection lose any sleep. The violent scenes, however, do their job, nailing the creepy factor of Silas’ fanatical devotion. His self-inflicted torture serves as a grim reminder of how destructive religious extremism can be—though, let’s be real, religion isn’t the only human invention that’s damaged society (cough politics cough).

At least they stopped short of dragging Mohammed into the chaos. Small mercies, right?

The acting? Meh. Nothing groundbreaking. Tom Hanks has delivered far better performances, but in The Da Vinci Code, all he really had to do was grow his hair out and look mildly confused. The chemistry between Robert Langdon and Sophie Neveu felt awkward and staged—though let’s be fair, that’s more on the book than the film. The movie sticks pretty closely to Dan Brown’s novel, which leads me to a blunt realization: never has so much hype been built on so little substance. (And no, Jesus doesn’t show up in a helicopter with a grenade-launching M16. That was your fake spoiler—ignore it and laugh.)

Ian McKellen? As always, he’s a class act. His portrayal of the scholarly Leigh Teabing is utterly believable. Honestly, McKellen could narrate a refrigerator manual and make it Oscar-worthy. After all, this is Gandalf we’re talking about. Jean Reno as Bezu Fache? Solid, if predictable. Reno is basically playing the same “stoic French guy” he plays in every movie, but hey, it works.

The flashbacks, though—those stood out. The sacking of Jerusalem was gritty, Sophie’s parents’ car crash hit hard, and the witch hunts added some much-needed intrigue. These scenes gave the film a sense of mystery and glued the disjointed plot together. And trust me, the plot needs all the glue and duct tape it can get. The story is a tangled mess of sketchy historical “what-ifs” and wild conspiracies. As Sophie asks, “Is it possible?” Langdon’s reply, “It’s not impossible,” sums up the entire vibe. It’s the kind of line conspiracy theorists cling to like gospel—it says absolutely nothing but sounds just vague enough to feel profound.
Bottom line? The Da Vinci Code is a slickly produced tapestry of historical what-the-hells. It doesn’t prove anything, but hey, the best cover-ups never do.

History takes a backseat to sensationalism in The Da Vinci Code, and if you're expecting a faithful adaptation of Dan Brown's novel, prepare to be underwhelmed. The story worked far better on paper, where readers had to engage their imagination to fill in the gaps left by the broad, plot-driven strokes. On screen, however, there’s no room for your imagination – everything is pre-colored, leaving you to pass judgment on the meaning. The problem? The cinematic gears don’t turn smoothly enough to make that judgment feel significant. The movie is functional but far from exceptional.

The mood, which the novel commanded with a somber and dark tone, feels forced and hollow in the film. Honestly, National Treasure – a blatant knockoff of Dan Brown’s work – was a more enjoyable ride, and that’s saying something. It’s hard to give The Da Vinci Code more than 2.5 stars, and looking back, maybe we were too hard on National Treasure. But hey, hindsight’s 20/20, and we're reviewers, not revisionists.

Part of the movie's struggle is the burden of its own hype. Nearly a billion people already know the "big secret" thanks to the book’s wildfire popularity. The conspiracy shock factor is dulled when the audience knows what’s coming. For those who somehow missed the book, maybe the movie plays better. But for the rest of us? It feels like the weight of the novel’s hubris drags the film down.

That said, the movie does manage a few intriguing, if fleeting, moments. The ending, where Sophie reconnects with her long-lost relatives (spoiler alert, but come on, you’ve had years to read or watch this), strikes a surprisingly sentimental chord. But it’s all crammed into the final act, diluted by the chaotic exit of Teabing, Silas the albino monk, Bishop Aringarosa, and the rest of the gang. If the movie had leaned into those emotional beats earlier, it could’ve garnered more praise. Instead, it settles for being just okay.

At its heart, the movie boils down to this: never before has so much been made of so little. The big reveal about Jesus having a wife and kid? Mildly interesting. Dan Brown becoming outrageously rich off it? Now that’s the real miracle. And let’s be honest, JC himself would probably agree – it’s just a piece of entertainment. And on that level, it’s fine. A great conspiracy flick? Hardly. But if you’re itching for some light conspiracy escapism, sure, pop it in.

The most shocking twist? Not the Holy Grail or Jesus’s secret life – it’s that Dan Brown might still be dreaming up another film. Let’s hope the next one packs a little more punch.