The Funny Newz: Shoddy Alien Structure to be Demolished

MOJAVE DESERT, Calif. -- Adrian Covarrubias, of the Mojave Dessert Resource Conservation and Development Council, was beating the piss out his government-leased Jeep Commander Thursday, when he noticed another shoddy particle board alien artifact over the distant horizon.

Upon arriving at the seen, Covarrubias was miffed at yet another appearance of cheap looking and crappy evidence of extraterrestrial life here on Earth.

“It’s becoming a real problem,” Covarrubias said. “The aliens are trying to cash in on the real estate price boom in Southern California. They watch all those reality-based TV shows about flipping houses and such and think if they simply throw up a shack, they can cash in. For crying out loud--build us a  stone pyramid or something--not some friggin IKEA cookie cutter, half-finished artificat.”

Dr. Frederic Diffendorpher, an archaeological expert in interstellar alien ruins here on Earth, echoed Covarrubias’ sentiments.

Dr. Diffendorpher said the cheap rectangular pillars are the work of opportunistic Alpha Centaurian aliens and are made of the cheapest possible galactic material available in the universe—a crystal-rock like substance called “OSB-GG (Oriented Strand Board--Galactic Grade).” He called such bush league construction “The stuff of alien shanty towns.”

Covarrubias said despite the significance of the extraterrestrial monuments, he is recommending that Council introduce new zoning laws against such cheap monument building unless it might constitute a “wonder of the world” and, therefore, might benefit the area in some way.

This would be the fourth time in the past year that such monuments had to be destroyed at tax payer expense, he said. He couldn’t see how interstellar aliens might profit from having to rebuild such crappy stuff over and over again, added Covarrubias.

“It’s like picking up liter. I wouldn’t exactly say they are stupid for doing this,” Covarrubias said caustically, “but let us say that search for intelligent life should not be given up quite yet.”

The serial numbers on the most recent series of pillars lead to Earth developer Rarf Nangork.

Nangork, an Alpha Centauri alien who lives openly amongst Americans, felt slighted when told recent alien-built monuments were “nothing to brag about and amounted to just another eyesore on planet Earth.”

“If he wants to take it down, I have a good idea where Covarrubias can put that first pillar,” Nangork said. “And believe me, with my 06’ Abductor—it’s possible.”